3 Ways to Advocate for Yourself in Everyday Conversations

On occasion I joke about getting “talks too much” on every single report card. On occasion I see other people, usually women, saying the same thing on social media and sharing how those conversation skills led to a successful career. I often add to the conversation and say I was just practicing for my career in broadcasting and as a keynote speaker. What I don’t share is the deep insecurity that comes along with hearing that critique for so many years, and it hasn’t always come from other people. Too often it’s my own inner dialogue that becomes the roadblock.

The fear that I “talked too much” and maybe even was “too much” in general made it easy to follow the advice I got early in my career: it’s best if you don’t say anything and just let your work speak for itself. It’s easily the worst advice, doled out by male colleagues who didn’t know what to do with a woman in the locker room. To be fair, they didn’t have much precedent to go on. When I got into the industry women were allowed to work in sports, but we weren’t supported or encouraged to do so. The general sentiment was - Good luck! To maximize my chances of lasting more than a year, I was told to keep quiet and fly under the radar.

After more than 25 years in sports broadcasting, there are still times it’s hard for me to shake those ingrained beliefs, even though those beliefs are based on bad advice.

Here’s what I know to be true:

1. Your work doesn’t speak for itself.
2. You don’t need permission to speak up.

I’m not suggesting bragging or being arrogant. I’m not saying hard work doesn’t matter. But I know for a fact your work, results and productivity don’t tell the whole story, only you can do that. Only you can advocate for yourself. Only you can add context to the work you’re doing. Counting on someone else to do that for you is putting your future in someone else’s hands. Counting on your work to speak for itself probably leads to more work.  

You don’t need to wait for a performance review to talk about your accomplishments or hope someone asks about your strengths so you can talk about a recent success.

There are three things you can do right now to advocate for yourself.

1. Accept compliments. When someone says, “Great job!” your response is “Thank you.” No qualifiers. No deflection. No calling it a team effort. Say Thank you. When you get comfortable with those two words add to the sentence. “Thank you for noticing, I’ve worked hard building that skillset.”
2. Use the words “I excel…” For example, “I excel at delivering engaging keynotes.” One short sentence allows me to convey confidence and highlight my strengths. It’s an easy way to draw attention to a skillset I’m proud of without feeling like I’ve crossed a line and started to brag.
3. Utilize Success Statements. This is a strategy I developed and have taught corporate audiences for more than 15 years. A success statement is a one sentence response to the question “How are you?” that answers the question and highlights a recent success or something you’re proud of. For example, “I’m awesome and energized after giving a keynote speech this morning.” Or “I’m great after brainstorming ideas with a new client today.” You know you’re going to get the question, so maximize your response and talk about your success.

If you’re still on the fence about whether your work speaks for itself consider a couple of examples from sports. If productivity was the defining factor every fan would gravitate toward the athlete with the best stats. There wouldn’t be a debate over favorite athletes or the greatest of all time. If the athletes with the best stats were always noticed and celebrated, no one would ever get snubbed for an All-Star game, a Pro Bowl, or other recognitions because the work would speak for itself. But it doesn’t. And yours doesn’t either.

Don’t sabotage your success by listening to well-meaning encouragement about working hard. And don’t hold yourself back by thinking you’re too much. You are the differentiator and you are what makes your work special.